I wish I could stop time. Make time fly back to the times, when we were all happy together, as a family. Together as one with no death, no illness and no divorce, back to the good times and the old times. I decided that today im not going to let anyone defeat me nothings going to break my family not anymore. I live in a house surrounded by illness all the time, my mum she suffers from bipolar it gets really difficult sometimes she screams things she never means to say it just comes out, or sometimes she stays out late and I start to worry. Those are things she’s meant to worry about. im a typical teenage girl just turned 15 but im more like her mum then she is mine. Its me mum and reo at home just us. It was never always just us though. My dad he used to be at home supported us all when he knew mum was that ill he packed up and left. He left me to pick up the pieces deal with mum look after reo. I feel like im all alone.
Bless my brother reo god knows what is wrong with him he’s been ill for some time now. People reckon he’s only going to get worse but we don’t even know what he’s got so are we ever going to know if he will be with us forever? He always complains to me that his legs get tired and he gets so weak .I just want to know what’s wrong with him now its driving us all nuts. He’s often off school with the flu or some virus it spreads quicker then melted butter in those primary schools. I spend a lot of time off school as well I often stay at home to look after reo when he’s ill as mum can hardly look after herself let alone reo. I do feel like the odd one out sometimes like im the only one here that’s normal. Alone. With no others around me to understand how I feel or to share my feelings with. Mum gets loads of letters from mine and reos schools complaining about my attendance she just shreds them. She cant help it she’s ill my little brothers ill why cant I be ill to.
Mum manages to normally drag herself out of bed to make herself some toast but that’s pretty much all she can do without crying or getting stressed out about it. I get up about 4 if im going to school I get myself showered have my breakfast make sure im ready. Then I manage to drag reo out of bed if he’s well enough to go to school get him some breakfast and then get him changed as he’s that weak he struggles doing it himself and anyways when I do let him get changed himself he always makes a mess of himself. No way he would walk out of this house looking like a tramp I wouldn’t have it. I then make mum her most loved recipe of pancakes with some lemon on the side and pour her some orange juice I do this most the time it keeps her happy unless im rushed for time I do this most mornings and take it up to her a bit of breakfast in bed its alright for some I suppose.
Were living of benefits as they class my mum as mentally disabled me and reo have been put with temporary foster carers 4 times before, when mums been rushed in psychiatric units at the local hospital. Its horrible, I came home from school one day to just find her rocking herself in a corner with cuts all over her arms and face its times like those when I just want her to give me a cuddle and tell me everything’s ok and it was just a accident. I know that mum cant help what she does but sometimes it stresses me and reo out gets us paranoid. im constantly worrying about her in school. Just dreading the day when I come back from school to find she’s gone and she’s not coming back.
I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling wishing my life was as blank as it. Or hoping I could run through walls and check up on them every few seconds. The whole house is quiet I can hear the blare of reo watching some programme on Disney channel and hes all the way downstairs. I can hear the gentle and silent tears of mum crying from next door. I can hear the whispers of the leaves to the trees talking about us all each in our own turn.
